Studies show that female friendships are not only important to our
well-being but essential! Research shows that these relationships are good for
our physical and emotional health. It is a connection that can sustain
through the good times and the bad. Women crave closeness with their
girlfriends -these friendships can help us keep both our feet on the ground,
especially when we are tackling so many things.
With that said, different types of friends can tap into different parts of yourself via different interests and levels of connection (one girlfriend you can be vulnerable to, another to hang out at the local, etc.). In fact, you don't want to put all your eggs in one basket by expecting one friend to be able to meet all your needs - that's a lot of pressure for that friend and at some point we will be let down.
1. Old Friends
These are the friends that knew you when you went on that horrible date, when you were crimping your hair, when you told each other how good you looked with your fishnet gloves. This is the type of friendship that when you say something like "my sister is coming to visit" she knows if that is a good thing or a bad thing. There is so much history that you may not see each other for months, and you can pick up where you left off. There is an unspoken language, like twins would have. But sometimes the shared history and the ease of these friendships can make us lazy and we don't work as hard on them. With all of the communication tools at our disposal there is no reason why we can't make more of an effort to keep this connection alive. A simple email or quick call ( or a Facebook poke) while waiting for your latte is all that is needed.
2. A New Friend
This is the friend that didn't know you through all your hair changes! They are coming to know you now as an adult and have no set ideas about you. Finding someone you connect with as this stage in your life can be exciting, because you are both learning about each other and can shape the friendship.
3. Workout Friend
In this friendship you are each others conscience and cheerleader! You motivate each other to get out and get moving. These friendships set healthy goals for each other, you connect on a common goal to be healthier and you support each other to do so. This is a way that you spend time together and do something positive for yourself at the same time. It can be limited and safe, but there is always room to grow, if you desire it so.
4. Career Friend
This is the friend who you may have met in your industry and over the years you have supported each others careers - given each other job leads, bounced ideas off of, brainstormed or even started new projects with. This friend may be a great confidant when it comes to dealing with work issues, because they understand your industry.
5. Younger Friend
This is the friend who you can share your wealth of life experiences with. Remember the older women in your life that helped you along the way in various areas of your life, from careers, kids to relationships. The insight you can provide a young woman can be invaluable. And like any relationship it is a two-way street - they can keep you current, on the pulse of what is happening in their lives, on new technology, and just a fresh perspective on the world. Just don't tell them about your fishnet gloves (or show photos from the 80's and the 'big' hairdos).
6. Befriend Yourself
I know this can sound a little corny, but befriending yourself can be vital in sustaining your other friendships. Ultimately it is about self-respect. Think about a situation where a friend has made a mistake, you would probably hear them out and not let them beat themselves up. What do you do when you make a mistake - is your inner voice condemning you? When a friend needs you, do you drop everything to make sure you can help them? But what happens with your own needs, are they neglected, do they go on the backburner? Many times we have a lot more compassion for our friends than we do for ourselves, but if we can treat ourselves with more love and respect, others will follow suit and our existing friendships will become stronger. Think about things that you find fulfilling and incorporate it into your life in a more consistent basis, and as you find your quality of life stronger, you have more to give to your friends.
With that said, different types of friends can tap into different parts of yourself via different interests and levels of connection (one girlfriend you can be vulnerable to, another to hang out at the local, etc.). In fact, you don't want to put all your eggs in one basket by expecting one friend to be able to meet all your needs - that's a lot of pressure for that friend and at some point we will be let down.
1. Old Friends
These are the friends that knew you when you went on that horrible date, when you were crimping your hair, when you told each other how good you looked with your fishnet gloves. This is the type of friendship that when you say something like "my sister is coming to visit" she knows if that is a good thing or a bad thing. There is so much history that you may not see each other for months, and you can pick up where you left off. There is an unspoken language, like twins would have. But sometimes the shared history and the ease of these friendships can make us lazy and we don't work as hard on them. With all of the communication tools at our disposal there is no reason why we can't make more of an effort to keep this connection alive. A simple email or quick call ( or a Facebook poke) while waiting for your latte is all that is needed.
2. A New Friend
This is the friend that didn't know you through all your hair changes! They are coming to know you now as an adult and have no set ideas about you. Finding someone you connect with as this stage in your life can be exciting, because you are both learning about each other and can shape the friendship.
3. Workout Friend
In this friendship you are each others conscience and cheerleader! You motivate each other to get out and get moving. These friendships set healthy goals for each other, you connect on a common goal to be healthier and you support each other to do so. This is a way that you spend time together and do something positive for yourself at the same time. It can be limited and safe, but there is always room to grow, if you desire it so.
4. Career Friend
This is the friend who you may have met in your industry and over the years you have supported each others careers - given each other job leads, bounced ideas off of, brainstormed or even started new projects with. This friend may be a great confidant when it comes to dealing with work issues, because they understand your industry.
5. Younger Friend
This is the friend who you can share your wealth of life experiences with. Remember the older women in your life that helped you along the way in various areas of your life, from careers, kids to relationships. The insight you can provide a young woman can be invaluable. And like any relationship it is a two-way street - they can keep you current, on the pulse of what is happening in their lives, on new technology, and just a fresh perspective on the world. Just don't tell them about your fishnet gloves (or show photos from the 80's and the 'big' hairdos).
6. Befriend Yourself
I know this can sound a little corny, but befriending yourself can be vital in sustaining your other friendships. Ultimately it is about self-respect. Think about a situation where a friend has made a mistake, you would probably hear them out and not let them beat themselves up. What do you do when you make a mistake - is your inner voice condemning you? When a friend needs you, do you drop everything to make sure you can help them? But what happens with your own needs, are they neglected, do they go on the backburner? Many times we have a lot more compassion for our friends than we do for ourselves, but if we can treat ourselves with more love and respect, others will follow suit and our existing friendships will become stronger. Think about things that you find fulfilling and incorporate it into your life in a more consistent basis, and as you find your quality of life stronger, you have more to give to your friends.
As much as I would love to take credit for this piece...alas...I cannot. Although the entire editorial completely resonated with me, like someone had tapped into my brain at some point, I need to acknowledge and credit Hina Khan, a
psychotherapist and the Relationship Ambassador
of the Better Choice Challenge.
Thank you Hina for such an insightful account about women and their friends. Lady Lorraine.
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