We sit, jangled nerves and excitement coursing through our veins. Nervous laughter and giggles at the thought that the others sitting in this room might think we are actually expectant parents. Time crawls. In another room our sweet little daughter is seeing her little one for the second time. Doting, expectant father sits diligently by her side, like a guard dog, protective and loving her unconditionally.
Grandfather-to-be is quiet. Reflective I suppose. Not wanting to give anything away just yet, but I expect he, like me, is still cautious about letting go, and at the same time praying that this time is right. It feels right. Tears threaten. I can feel the familiar sting behind my eyes. Get a grip, I admonish myself!! Happy tears, an overwhelming sense of happiness makes me fidgety and giddy at the same time. It doesn’t seem that long since I felt the gentle nudges in my own belly. I pull out my watch for the umpteenth time…it’s only been a few minutes. I feel like I am going to explode if I don’t move off this chair soon!
His beaming face appears around the room divider. We can go ‘in’ now! Like a jack-in-a-box, I was off the chair in one explosive bound! My heeled boots click click on the hard surface floor. For some reason I am embarrassed by this, like I should be quiet. It is a hospital after all. I fight the urge to run.
In a low-lit room a technician is moving the ultrasound wand across her little belly (now showing signs of a new life within). I have been waiting for this moment for so long! She is smiling. Everything is good.
Like the anticipation of opening a present, I turn my attention to the black and white screen and watch the images coming to life. Little arms and legs tumble rapidly, in fluid and sometimes jerky movements. Like a lava lamp, the images start to take shape. A little head, arms and legs become clear and just as fast they disappear. The heart is beating a steady rhythm. My heart feels like it is matching its rhythm… beat for beat. Little feet appear…the technician is good. She knows when to stop and take a picture. We huddle around the bed. Time stands still. I cannot believe what I am seeing! A little arm comes up to its mouth…to suck a teeny thumb…yes he/she is definitely hers! Click.. goes the ultrasound camera again. This movement has now been captured forever! It adorns our frig…our new bragging wall. It’s now time to go…but I feel like I just got here. I leave wanting more…really more…perhaps to hold the little one…or to hold my daughter…I cannot separate the two feelings!
Sweet bebe…the days and months will certainly fly by…and then I will have the rest of my life to love and enjoy you. I am overwhelmed by how you have already squeezed into my heart, making room for yet another fountain of love. Love truly multiplies…there is always room for more and you are gently reminding me of this.
Kisses and hugs dear one!..from Nanny.
“The first time ever I saw your face
I thought the sun rose in your eyes
And the moon and stars were the gifts you gave
To the dark and the empty skies, my love”……………..Roberta Flack.
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