Separation Anxiety

I really am a sap.  There are times when I wonder how I got through my children's growing up...and stayed sane!  My grandson is rekindling all the emotions I had when my children were young.  He is so little.  He has also forged his way into my heart to a point where it feels like my heart will explode.

I was a stay-at-home Mom for 6 years.  My daughter was the oldest - so had me around for those 6 years.  My son being the youngest had 3 of those six years.  In hindsight - it wouldn't have mattered when I returned to work...my son would always have the lesser amount of time.  In those six years we did 'without' a lot of monetary things.  Those things were insignificant.  I cared less about eating out.  I cared even less about what I wore - but made sure that what I had was cared for and presented me in the best light.  We didn't go out for entertainment - in fact I do not even remember where the movie theaters were or whatever.  I think I went to a movie after our son was born.  I left him with a babysitter so I could have 'an evening' out.  What a joke that was.  I lost count of how many times I looked at my watch.  I was a nursing mother to both our children so the distance between us was always very very short.  We never went on holidays, except to our home province in the summer.  It was all we could afford and it was plenty.  We would either take a trailer or rent a cottage so we could have our own space.  It worked for us.  The kids still remember it.  So I guess, even though it wasn't 'Disneyland' - it was still fun for them.  We camped in a tent one summer and it rained for 3 weeks.  We had 2 sunny days in the middle where we could hang the sleeping bags out on the line to dry.  The kids had a ball.  They had their little rain boots, rain suits, and best of all they had flashlights.  So rain or shine, they were having fun.  They would sit around the campfire listening to the rain drops hissing on the hot coals.  Undaunted by the lousy weather, they taught us something that summer.  Fun...is something you make for yourself.  We would cart our breakfast items to the grandparents' houses, taking turns, so they wouldn't tire of our company.  It was just too hard to cook bacon and eggs out in the rain!  But this memory trail is a digression from what I originally started to post.

Back to our little grandson.  I went with my daughter while she trialed two separate daycare centers.  I tried so hard to be objective and to watch with a critical eye for anything that my daughter might have missed.  No such thing.  She watches over him with the eyes of a Mother hawk...she missed nothing.  Her choice at the end of the day was a good one.  Her choice was made with the baby's best interests at heart.  He will be fine.  I might not be fine.  See I didn't have to make that decision with my own children when they were so young.  So it is a brand new experience for me.  I have already announced that I will never, never do the 'drop-off'.  I just wouldn't be able to leave if the little one clamped his chubby hand onto my pant leg (as he is so fond of doing)...so I would ruin it.  I will, however, exercise my 'nannie' rights to pick him up whenever the whim hits me.  I will also look after him when he is sick...it is only right.

He sat on the floor, sucking vigorously on his soother (sounding a lot like Maggie on the Simpsons).  His dark eyes traveled around the room and occasionally his little arm would go up to acknowledge something that caught his eye.  He followed the kids around with his eyes and seemed baffled why they were all running around him.  A visitor in the daycare is always an occasion.  Ever so gradually he found his feet and stood by a little table built for his height.  After the soother came out, he found his voice and cautiously joined in on all the kid chatter in the room.  He didn't veer too far from his spot at the end of the table though, still tentative with his new surroundings.  His little jeans and Robie shoes made him look like a miniature man.  This was the second daycare he had visited this day and it was taking its toll.  He was exhausted when we finally piled him into his carseat and headed for home.  Within seconds he was humming in the backseat, and was soon asleep.  What a little darling.

Separation anxiety can affect more than the children.  I know for a fact the Mommie and the Nannie will have a dose of it ourselves.  The difference being, the little babe will be just fine...not sure about us!