It's all in the Handshake

If the handshake was something you could ‘learn’; like walking, then you would think all handshakes would be similar – sort of (I know some people walk differently than others, but basically it is usually one foot ahead of another). But instead, it’s like a DNA strand has run amok in some people because handshakes are as individual as the lines in your palm. Maybe I place too much importance on them…and I am always amazed at the responses I get to the basic handshake. Extending my hand to a lady recently seemed to put her in a state of panic/anxiety, resulting in her offering me the bare tips of her fingers to shake….eeeekkk…one of my top ten pet peeves which I will list later in this blog. It’s not like I was a pit bull ready to chew off her hand/fingers, but you would think by the look on her face I was just that. Trying desperately to hide my repulsion at such a greeting, these situations always put me on high alert. This lady was not comfortable with ‘the handshake’, and it only begs the question “why”? Then there was the ‘big man handshake’ I received at a gathering recently. Apparently he didn’t know his own strength….as my bones in my right hand actually snapped... he gripped it so hard. I tried discreetly to pull it back (I was in excruciating pain), but oh no…he kept pumping my hand and arm like he was drawing water out of a well. Not funny! I and my twisted hand limped to the car….so glad that was the last handshake of the evening!



Maybe it was my background in sales….that led me to believe there is so much you can ‘read’ into a handshake. After many courses on ‘body language’, the handshake seems to be the only course I remember. The ‘bad’ handshake does not discriminate either. I have received equally bad handshakes from men and women, young and old. The squishy one is by far the handshake that I hate the most. It’s weird too, as every time I see this man, the only thing I can remember about him is his squishy soft handshake. I avoid all occasions that might result in having to shake his hand…call me pathetic, but when I do… I make sure my hands are full and beg off with a big smile instead.


Okay, I have said enough. This blog is right up there with ‘silly’, but lately handshakes have been coming fast and furious and so rather than be thinking about them at all, writing about them will remove all this ‘stuff’ from my thoughts. One thing I know for sure. The handshake is more important in a greeting than the words you speak or even the smile on your face.
Your body language is screaming…and somebody is listening!


My top 10 turnoffs:
• Sweaty (wet) palms (top handshaking turn-off) hold cold drinks in your left hand so the condensation stays there. Carry a tissue in purse or pocket if your nerves are bad enough to cause your hands to sweat….discreetly wipe them on the tissue before extending your hand.
• Loose grip / limp wrist (or that funeral parlor handshake as I call it….many many women are guilty of this but I have encountered some men who do this too…and it always surprises me)
• Finger Tip Shake (those who only offer their fingertips to shake….shudder)
• Gripping too hard (those bone crushing types that are determined to embed your ring into your fingers forever)
• Not making eye contact (what are you hiding…your eyes are the window to your soul)
• Shaking too vigorously (an aerobic workout I don’t need) or for too long (okay my arm has gone into its tendonitis spasm now)
• Standing too close (I really…really don’t know you this well….you are in ‘my space’)
• Shaking with the left hand (only acceptable if your right hand is crushed or broken or missing)
• Not shaking for long enough (commit yourself to the first critical 3-5 seconds to make that first impression)
• Hot hands (what is this…a fever or something….very distracting)


My fave do’s:
• Carry hand sanitizers. Today you cannot be too careful.
• If you are a woman…it is perfectly appropriate to extend your hand first…no need to wait for the male to make the first move. This was the rule back in the Roman days…not necessary today.

• If you are sitting…always stand (applies to both men and women)…it is disrespectful to remain sitting – only acceptable if you are physically unable to stand up.

• Smile…not giggle….just a simple smile. A smile is the universal language of kindness.