I am blessed. I
have (had) three sisters, now I have two.
Over the years I may have taken it for granted that I had a ‘ready-made’
sisterhood.
My closest sister left me at 45 – she was one of a
kind. I still speak of her and it is
eighteen years since she passed away. No
amount of writing or conversation could ever capture her essence. She still
appears in my dreams and shows herself often in my daughter’s countenance and
personality. What magic! I called it charisma back then. But it was
more like enchantment. She has lived on and
she would have SO loved that.
At a time when I needed her the most – she was
there. Even with her own infirmities,
she was ready to set aside her own challenges to take on mine. Thankfully it
was temporary. I really needed her just
to be ‘her’. Suffice to say I will never forget her in my ‘time of need’.
I have two older sisters. They are like book-ends. They walk in tandem
and understand each other like they were cloned. They’re born under the same
sign (Aries) and chose the same profession (nursing). They chose well. They are
born care-givers and their reputations as nurses still come back ‘exemplary in
their field’.
I’m the ‘third man out’ now that my soul-mate sibling
is gone. I am a pacifist and a Cancer child so I’m not good at ‘joining in’ or fitting in for that matter. I
wait…and sometimes wait a long time to be invited back in. But having said this
– I know they are always there. All I have to do is ask. I’m not good at that
(asking) either. I am working on it.
Recently, just when I thought I had it ‘all together’,
they appeared at my side. I hadn’t asked, but thankfully in my 60 years I’ve
learned how to ‘receive’ and to be thankful and graceful in the receiving. I
became unraveled, I was so touched. There is the great divide of years (8-9
years) – almost a different generation. Someday this expanse of years will mean
nothing. They will always be my big sisters though.
I’m a bit like my Mom. I think I have to be strong for
everyone else – forgetting about ‘me’ in my hour of need. Who’ll be strong for me? I have inherited my
Mom’s spunk and her distaste for dishonesty but joyfully her love of nature.
When birds flock to my feeders it’s like she is
visiting me. I feed them year round – in her honor. She taught me this.
This spring my husband’s sister passed away. It was so
unexpected; we didn’t know she was dying. Siblings & sisters – one can only
begin to capture the complications in some families. She was estranged from all
of her family members and eventually it was like she didn’t exist. She lived in
a ‘self-imposed exile’. She taught me one thing. I do not want this for me or
anyone else in my family.
In the absence of a wake or funeral we gathered
informally as a family. We did the best
we could. Three siblings living out of province didn’t make it home. There was
the unspoken notion they didn’t see the need or purpose of attending. I get that (I think).
Recently my husband’s cousin (who had 5 sisters) said
goodbye to another sister – one had passed away last year. In her family those
6 sisters were as thick as thieves. They were all extroverts – collecting hundreds
of people and friends along the way. One
has fallen and like a herd of African elephants, the entire clan grieves. That
is the way it should be.
I am the youngest. And with that comes the weight of
being the ‘last’…maybe. If life plays out like it’s supposed to. My Mother was the last. I remember speaking of this
with her. With twelve siblings passing before her – that is a lot of good-byes.
Today I count my blessings.
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