In Retrospect

It’s that time of year, when I look back, sometimes reluctantly.  I like to do it only once so that I can safely say it’s behind me instead of lying awake lining all the events up, over and over while I toss and turn trying to find a comfortable spot.

The good times and the bad…ahh yes, that proverbial promise exchanged at the altar many, many moons ago.  Nobody said there wouldn’t be any bad times, and I guess I need to define (or redefine) ‘bad’.  So after fifty eight trips around the sun, I can start out the New Year with a brief look into the past.

We had two deaths in the family.  One expected, one not.  Taking their toll on my fragile sense of mortality, I tried not to dwell on the looming cloud that had drifted into my airspace…once again.  Luckily (not that luck had anything to do with it), it bypassed us this time.  The big ‘C’ moved on past, not leaving us unscathed however, but at least it moved on leaving in its path, a battle scar.  That, we can handle (or should I say, ‘he’ can handle). 

Life, once again is good.

Our children have enjoyed good health and without a doubt, that blessing did not go unnoticed.  Our son moved on to a new job at the beginning of the year and is happy in his new space.  It shows.  He and his sweet wife are so good together, and 'for' each other. It’s impossible not to feel the positive vibes they give off.  This past year I did not see them enough.  That needs to change.

Our daughter and her husband are enjoying a new chapter in their lives with our little grandson who steals the show (and our hearts) every time he is around.  When his little arms lock around the back of my neck, I know there is a God.  He is intuitive at his tender young age and his eyes tell a story all on their own.  At church on Christmas Eve, he was at home.  He’s been there before.  He charms everyone around him, waving at the priest, and twisting to the music. When the music stops he announces ‘More’!  It became increasingly difficult to follow the mass; I couldn’t take my eyes off him.  

So they juggle parenting, work, and daycare drop-offs with their new challenges of PhD and Masters Degrees.  All this, so they can create a better and more flexible life for themselves and for baby.  I try to help in any way I can, but it never seems to be enough.  I like to say it’s akin to trying to keep the tide out with a pitchfork!

I have not been kind to myself this past year.  Nobody’s fault but my own though, I continually put myself last and that needs to change with the New Year.  I fail miserably at making New Year’s resolutions so I won’t go there.  Instead I will take it one day at a time.  Starting each day with a plan that respects my needs as well as others, I will consciously look after me.  If it means I go for a walk that will benefit my health and something else gets left undone, then so be it.  It may be a long winter. 

Like today, as I write this, others in my writer’s group are clicking away on their laptops at the same table.  It’s a time I promised to keep for myself to honor my beloved pastime of writing.  We’re getting close to our deadline.  We’re all contributing to an anthology and it will be published in the New Year.  So exciting!  My ‘story’ was too long and too personal and the timing was off (or so my gut told me), so I have poetry to submit instead.  Not as exciting as a story, but exciting all the same.  

Another idea I have to celebrate all the blessings we receive during the year, is a ‘grateful’ jar.  It might be something simple like a bright sunny day in the dead of winter, but whatever it is, it will get noted on paper and put in the jar.  It will be fun on our next New Year’s Eve to take the ‘gratitude’ jar out and read the blessings.  

My husband has a full year of politics under his belt.  There are times when he is consumed.  I try not to feel neglected but sometimes I do.  I hate feeling that way but I know it is because I have not embraced what my purpose is truly.  So retrospect is good.  I can clinically take it all apart and dissect what should stay and what should go.  So it is a good exercise and one that maybe I should do more often than once a year.  

SO here’s to a New Year!   

May everyone dear to me enjoy good health and happiness and God willing, we will meet again this time next year!  Cheers!  L.L.

Should auld acquaintance be forgot,
And never brought to mind?
Should auld acquaintance be forgot,
And days o’ lang syne!